No Smoking!…..Please?

 

This play was written by me (YAY!) and staged at a theatre festival.
People liked it.

Copyright 2008 Insipidbanana. All Rights Reserved.
Please email/comment for permission to use this.

Enter Venkat. Sits Somewhere Center stage.

Venkat: Where is that fellow..? (interrupted by Vinod)

Enter Vinod

Vinod: Oh! My GOD! My life is in ruins!

Venkat: What happened?

Vin: It all started yesterday… when I started smoking..

Ven: HaHa! I told you smoking would be bad.. You should listen when ..

Vin: Aaagh! I don’t have time for this.. Ever since I started smoking, every thing’s gone downhill… My dog died, my sister went deaf, my dad’s gone blind, my car broke down, my aunt took me off her will, I was mugged thrice! My home was robbed! My brother’s marriage broke off..

Ven: But!.. How..?

Vin: Listen! That’s not all.. My Grandmother isn’t well, my girlfriend dumped me, My teeth are falling out, I started balding, My left knee has this weird cramp..

Ven: What?

Vin: It doesn’t end there.. I think I’m going to die soon… AAAAAAA! (Dies)

Ven: Ooh NOO!! Why?! You were so young! And you had such a pretty face! How could this happen!? What was the cruel reason for you to leave me? I can’t bear this.. Hello! Anyone THERE?! Help!!

Enter Doctor.

Ven: Doctor!!

Doc: What can I do for you today?

Ven: My friend is lying on the ground! Please do what you can to help him!! I’ll give you anything you want. Here, take my watch.

Doc: Oh! (Examines Vin) I say.. I think your friend is dead.. Wait let me check again.. Yes it is correct.. Your friend is dead. No wait..

Ven: What Doctor?

Doc: I just thought.. He might have lived if only he had smoked more cigarettes.

Ven: The Doctor has lost it too.(to himself) Take him away from here. It hurts my heart to see his beautiful face..

Doctor drags Vinod’s body away . Both Exit.

Ven: Watch out Doc!

Crashing sounds.

Enter Vinay.

Viny: What happened? What’s wrong with you?

Ven: Vinod died…

Viny: How can it be? Stop Joking!

Ven: Vinod died before my eyes..

Viny: Haha! I just saw him skipping around outside as I entered.

Enter Vinod.

Vin: Hi Venkat!

Ven: What? How did you? But I just saw you..

Vin; Aah! That was before when I used to smoke. Now that I stopped, I’m fine.

Ven: That’s all ? You’ll die when you smoke, and you’ll live again when you stop ?

Vin: Ya. Didn’t you know this?

Viny: Nice one man! I haven’t seen anyone quit smoking so easily.

Ven: He started smoking only yesterday..

Vin: Thanks man. It was my iron determination.

Ven: When was the last time you were determined?

Viny: You’re a true role model.

Ven; He smoked one bally cigarette!

Vin: A model of self restraint.

Ven: Self Restraint! That was one of the most exaggerated little death scenes I’ve seen.

Viny: So what plans for you this evening?

Ven: Well I was going to…

Vin: I’m going skydiving!

Ven: Skydiving?!

Vin: Yea! Ever since I quit smoking, I’ve got this hidden energy!

Viny: Nice one man. I’m up for it. Lets go.

Vinay and Vinod Exit

Ven: AuaH! This makes no sense! How can vinod.. ? And why is Vinay? …

Enter Vinay

Ven: Where’s Vinod? didn’t you go skydiving?

Viny: Oh! Finished all that. Vinod was so insane.. He jumped off without a parachute.

Ven: You left like a second ago…

Viny: Yeah I know. Time sure goes fast while having fun. I’m not sure he’ll have survived.

Enter Vinod battered and bruised but with a healthy smile.

Vin: Whats up guys. That was quite an experience.

Viny: Just look at you, what a mess.

Ven: Wait.. Even if I were to believe that you went skydiving, that too, without a parachute, How in the good, clean world did you survive??!

Vin: Easy! I wasn’t smoking when I jumped.

Viny: That’s true. I hadn’t considered that.

Ven: I’m thinking that we guys are slightly bordering on the insane here.

Enter Vinod’s Dad and he drops a packet of cigarettes.

Dad: Oops! I think I’ve dropped my cigarette case. How careless of me. I do hope it will not get into the hands of anyone who has smoked before. Especially my son, Vinod. Whatever shall I do now?

Ven: Uncle! You’ve dropped your packet here.

Dad: Where could the cigarette packet be? I will never find it. Too bad there’s no one around to help me look for it.

Viny: Here’s the packet sir. (Hands him the packet)

Dad: Aah the loss. If it only fell into the wrong hands, what a tragedy. (Takes the packet and chucks it at Vinod).

Ven: Not again! Some one stop him! (Reaches for Vinod.)

Vin: (clutching the packet) Aaha! What is this feeling.. It is taking over me.

Viny: This should be fun to watch.

Dad: I know. I got some chips just in case. (They share a bag of chips.)

Vin: (holds a cigarette in his hand) Oooh! My troubles have returned! My troubles have returned. My Grandmother isn’t well again, my teeth are falling out, I started balding again, my left knee has this weird cramp.. I am dying!! AAA! (Starts to die.)

Ven: Enough is enough! (moves to Vinod, takes his cigarette and the packet and chucks it away.)

Viny and Doc: Hey! We were watching that!

Vin: Thank god that was done with.

Viny puts the cigarette back in Vinod’s hand.

Vin: Aieee!! My troubles! My dog is dying, my sister is going deaf, my dad’s going blind, my aunt took me off her will again.. Death has me in its grasp.. Oh for some pure sweet freedom! Aaaaaa!

Ven Throws the cigar away again.

Vin: Phew.. Its all better again. If only.

The dad throws another packet at him.

Vin: I am DYING! Aah! Oooo! Aah. Hmm.. Wait a minute. I’m sick of this.

Dad: What? But how could this be?

Vin: You know something? I think I’d rather decide what happens in my own life, thank you. Come Venkat lets be off.

Ven: There is some sense in this fellow after all.

Vinod and Venkat Exit.

Vinay and Dad Exit behind them.